I came back from an audition in Brooklyn and was so elated that I got a callback. Mind you this is the same theater I bombed in the same time last year. So for me this was a complete triumph!
I was feeling good until I got on the 4 train and there was a "bum" that got on and sat right across from me. I watched as he pulled his filthy suitcase closer to him as disgusted eyes just stared and looked down on his filth and grim. Some train passengers actually got up and moved as far as possible from this man wrapped in torn and stench ridden clothes. I watched their annoyance in wonderment.
I watched as he scratched his side, ate a Reese's peanut butter cup and continued to scratch himself...and I did nothing.
Something inside me told me to take out the 20 dollars I had in my pocket and hand it to him. But you know what excuse I made to not budge?
"I will;if he stays on until I get off." How silly is that??
The very next stop he got up and left.
I felt like crap on the floor. Do you know why? I wasn't obedient to that voice inside me. I was no better than everyone else that moved away from him and looked down on his life because I sat there and did nothing.
Jesus says in Matthew chapter five;
"Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn
for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth,
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness
for they will be filled."
We are God's messengers so we should be the ones doing the blessings. We are Christ's apprentice. We should be his hands, his feet, his voice, everything he left for us to be, everything I wasn't on that train. Although my heart was right the action wasn't filled. He still walked off with the same countenance he had when he came on.
As a Christian I awaken, walk out the door expecting an encounter with Christ. The homeless man could have been Christ in disguise, waiting for me to Do Something. Extend my heart for a few seconds...
To some people this whole discussion is not a big deal. This behavior is normal. Not for a transforming Christian. We have a responsibility that goes behind ourselves. Just like a teacher tests a student God gives us small tests of the heart.
I failed mine today.
"Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy
Remember that when we show mercy to others God will pour his mercy on us when we need him to.
The same way Jesus showed mercy to us on that cross, shedding tears and blood for our wretched
filthy sins. He could have looked at us the same way those passengers on the train looked at the homeless man.
He could have said, "Ill. I'm not going down there
to save those creatures! They are too pathetic and they stink too.
He could have inched farther and farther away leaving us to our dark ugly doom. But He extended His heart and inched closer and closer until we could feel His presence, His sweet redemption, His beautiful cleansing power.
I'm so glad He didn't inch away from my grim. What a relief to know
he loves me in spite the tracing stench of imperfection!
"Blessed are the pure in heart for they will see God."
I guess it bothered me so much because my heart is set on being with God, feeling Him near and when my heart is near
Him it can't help but want to Love the way He does.
I yearn for a world that doesn't look at what
they can "get" but what they can "give".
God's still working on this imperfection. Me.
I was feeling good until I got on the 4 train and there was a "bum" that got on and sat right across from me. I watched as he pulled his filthy suitcase closer to him as disgusted eyes just stared and looked down on his filth and grim. Some train passengers actually got up and moved as far as possible from this man wrapped in torn and stench ridden clothes. I watched their annoyance in wonderment.
I watched as he scratched his side, ate a Reese's peanut butter cup and continued to scratch himself...and I did nothing.
Something inside me told me to take out the 20 dollars I had in my pocket and hand it to him. But you know what excuse I made to not budge?
"I will;if he stays on until I get off." How silly is that??
The very next stop he got up and left.
I felt like crap on the floor. Do you know why? I wasn't obedient to that voice inside me. I was no better than everyone else that moved away from him and looked down on his life because I sat there and did nothing.
Jesus says in Matthew chapter five;
"Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn
for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth,
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness
for they will be filled."
We are God's messengers so we should be the ones doing the blessings. We are Christ's apprentice. We should be his hands, his feet, his voice, everything he left for us to be, everything I wasn't on that train. Although my heart was right the action wasn't filled. He still walked off with the same countenance he had when he came on.
As a Christian I awaken, walk out the door expecting an encounter with Christ. The homeless man could have been Christ in disguise, waiting for me to Do Something. Extend my heart for a few seconds...
To some people this whole discussion is not a big deal. This behavior is normal. Not for a transforming Christian. We have a responsibility that goes behind ourselves. Just like a teacher tests a student God gives us small tests of the heart.
I failed mine today.
"Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy
Remember that when we show mercy to others God will pour his mercy on us when we need him to.
The same way Jesus showed mercy to us on that cross, shedding tears and blood for our wretched
filthy sins. He could have looked at us the same way those passengers on the train looked at the homeless man.
He could have said, "Ill. I'm not going down there
to save those creatures! They are too pathetic and they stink too.
He could have inched farther and farther away leaving us to our dark ugly doom. But He extended His heart and inched closer and closer until we could feel His presence, His sweet redemption, His beautiful cleansing power.
I'm so glad He didn't inch away from my grim. What a relief to know
he loves me in spite the tracing stench of imperfection!
"Blessed are the pure in heart for they will see God."
I guess it bothered me so much because my heart is set on being with God, feeling Him near and when my heart is near
Him it can't help but want to Love the way He does.
I yearn for a world that doesn't look at what
they can "get" but what they can "give".
God's still working on this imperfection. Me.